Don't be afraid to lose the other person.
Be afraid to lose yourself.
Here's an article on dating (in a non-abusive relationship).
Stop. The. Victim. Blame.
"Why Doesn't She
Read the article by Marie De Santis from the Women's Justice Center.
Domestic violence and mind control
Domestic violence can include physical abuse, such as hitting, sexual abuse, rape, and psychological abuse, such as name calling and emotional abuse, discrediting one’s feelings, and isolation. It is most often directed against women, but men also suffer from violence by a romantic partner.
In a one-on-one relationship, some of the same dynamics are at work as in cults. The abuser wants control, not just over one’s actions, but one’s mind, body, and most inner core. The abuser uses scare tactics to keep the victim in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. The
rules of the game always change, leaving the abused uncertain of how to please the abuser, only that there will be harsh punishment for a misstep. The abuser will drive away friends and family early on with claims, saying "I just love you so, I don't want to share you with anybody” and later with threats or accusations, such as "Nobody wants to hang out with you, you are
Living in constant fear of pain or death or guilt makes it hard for the abused to escape the
situation. In addition, the abuser often places the blame on the victim, saying things like, “You are bringing this onto yourself" or “you made me…” or “You are bad mother/spouse/person. Nobody else would love you.” The abuser may take complete control over finances, or get the abused fired due to missing days at work, and/or tell lies about the abused.
When an abused person finds the strength to escape, friends may side with the abuser since he (or she) has been telling lies all along, claiming the abused is unstable, cheating, and
untrustworthy. Others might have guessed something was wrong, and will be there for you. A local support group, where other people who've experienced domestic violence will talk openly about what they've been through and what is helping them heal is very helpful. Also, someone at a women's center in your area can help you develop a safety plan for when you decide you need to leave.
Here's an article on How to Regain Control of Your Mind After Brainwashing.